It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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