thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
