imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
