you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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