you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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