Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
