and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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