Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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