So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
