I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
