Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize