I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
