Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
