shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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