A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
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