Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
