Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
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I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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