Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
