Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
