hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
