You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
