My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
