also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
