Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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