I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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