Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
