I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
