I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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