I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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