I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
