I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
