just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
