They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
