I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm just crazy horny about you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
