Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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