Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
