..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
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So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?