You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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