apparently the secret to your success is patron
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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