he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
