The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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