let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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