im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
PANTIES FOUND
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize