he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize