he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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