ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
