2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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