Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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