Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
