He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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