I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
