I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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