its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
