Can i not drive my cunt home
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
