just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
