I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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