people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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