you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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