Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
