the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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