So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
where are you?
Hypothermia
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize