Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
