When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
