Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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