I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
