2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize