My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
