what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
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do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
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If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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