i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
