he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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