I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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