Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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